January 2010
1 post
Frank, The Furious Fist of Justice.
Hi my name is Frank and I am a mother fucking superhero. I am the fucking shit, you should see me man. I’m all like KAPOW and ZAZZ. This one time I saved the world from the second coming of Jesus. Now, I did get criticized for that. But to my defense, does anyone remember the first time? Has nobody seen The Passion of the Christ? We just beat the poor guy up for 2 hours, FHL. It got pretty bloody....
November 2009
1 post
October 2009
1 post
If Dragons Are So Mythical Then Why Am I Riding...
Yeah, I got a pet dragon. So what? The only kicker is, I can’t ride him if anyone else is watching. Lol, go figure right. That got me thinking, what if I were like 50 thousand vertical feet in the air and someone saw me. Would I plummet to earth towards my demise or does my dragon just go invisible? If it goes invisible is it the type of invisibility which makes use of other dimensions or is...
September 2009
8 posts
Guns Don't Kill People, Scientists With...
Know what pisses me off? People. They all like have opinions about things. It’s sickening quite frankly. This is precisely why I think it’s a great idea to allow guns at any and every conceivable event and or building. That way when people have an opinion you don’t agree with you can shove a colt .45 in their stupid fat faces. Hell, you don’t really even need a reason. BAM,...
More Like Juliet and Juliet
Recently I happened to glance at the front cover of Romeo and Juliet and I’m relatively certain that those are both women. Like any other man, I enjoy a steamy lesbian romance novel from time to time, but this was different. At times I was confused, is “Romeo” actually a man? Certain passages seemed to suggested it, but I remained unconvinced. Let me ask you this. What sort of...
You Wish Journalism Was Dead.
Did you hear about that latest tragedy? The one with all the sadness and crushed hopes? Yeah, apparently there was some kid there playing Pokemon when it happened. I mean, could you possibly be any less sympathetic to the plight of your fellow man? And if that werent shocking enough, his pokedex only had 22 Pokemon, that’s right you heard me folks, or read me, 22 Pokemon. That hardly...
The Art of Laziness
Yup
Yeah! Soup IS Good.
Have you ever had a really good bowl of soup? The kind of soup where you’re all like, “whoa far out bro this is some gosh darn great soup.” Yeah, neither have I. It’s funny when you think about it…or don’t think about it, I don’t care; soup is universally hated across all cultures. Everyone knows the second when soup enters the room. There is that awkward...
'Member That Guy? Old, What's His Face?
So, what’s up with God? Remember when he was cool and use to make bets with the Devil? That was awesome. Now he just sits around in his flowing white robe and his massively thick beard and cries about how nobody loves him anymore. It’s like duuuuuuude, don’t you get Rogaine in Heaven? I mean really, a white beard? Are we really suppose to believe that God is not superficial?...
Airport Security
Sup bros? Have you ever wondered how electricity works? I know I haven’t. I just sit here in my underwear with my vast array of lamps and lamp related objects and laugh. Life is pretty simple when it’s built around complexity. Lets take traveling for example. Back when I was a kid we use to have to use land-mines to hurdle our way through residential neighborhoods to get where we...
The Adventures of Michael Jordan: Spy at Large
I burst through her window head first into a luxury apartment landing directly next to her in bed. The glass shatters in slow motion around me spilling onto the newly carpeted floor. Or that’s how I envisioned it anyhow. She’s naked of course as I demand of all women whose bedrooms I class up via mind-blowing window entries. At first she’s coy, prudish even as I hold her. “What’s going on...